Wednesday, April 22, 2015

MAY BE..



When she stood beneath the stars ... and watched the moon
The moon brought with it serpents of the past, running all through her body, not letting her sleep!
When she went inside in the walls she built, she didn’t realise, they weren’t hers anymore!
When she stood up to run out, she found out she was locked! No keys, no peace!
When she sat back, letting herself ease into that place she liked big and airy... the walls started to cringe in...
She made her fright night into quite a dream, only then, the walls exploded!
So then when you say to her, you’ll take her to a safe place far far away, don’t cringe when she doesn’t believe you, or flee when she makes you her everything!
You may not know her, enough to love her or she may not look like the adorable kind,
She may not have the heart to ride on with her life, just yet! But just try and gamble on that may be.
Coz she may become the best thing that ever happens to you,
Coz she may be the most beautiful person you’ve ever met,
Coz she may be that lil pearl in her shell, waiting to be free, to be given that chance she needs.
So may be give her that chance you keep squeaking about,
Coz may be, just may be... is all she has ever lived on...


Monday, July 28, 2014

a woman i know!

like life was simple for her,
like home was sweet...
she lived in a box full of memories
the kind of love she had seen, protection received,
she was innocent as a kid... when slowly,
in the light in her eyes, shyness conceived
one day .. her sister was given away in a feast,
they called her marriage... she was asked to look upbeat,
in a sari... she didn't know, how to be...
later, they told her, she was to be wed , to some guy she never even met
they didn't shake hands, no numbers exchanged,
not even a conversation, till the rings exchanged,
and suddenly, she was somebody's wife,
her mother instructed her to love her husband...
this girl of 20, had known love to be found not commanded
this trip that demanded love, scrapped of her soul parts that made her
that night, she was left alone with this stranger husband, with giggles n milk
she knew too highly of love to believe this was it..
that man , didn't much talk to her soul, but did to her body
he held her breasts instead of her hands, kissed her lips when she tried to utter a "NO"
she screamed for help and denied that ravaging, but alas,
nobody paid any heed, she was "congratulated" with giggles and gifts the morning next
she went through with it night after night,
she complained it to her mother, to which she found another giggle
like those giggles were all ridiculing her, like her brain was about to burst, her veins rupture,
only when she thought it couldn't get worse, she was soon a mother to be...
a child out of scars she carried and delivered
"love" as she had learned was just a delusion
the light in her eyes were now long gone
the charm her smiles were fake and cumbersome
now that its been 20 odd years, she has existed and not really lived
breathed in and out but never felt... abused verbally and sexually
she has done just what she had to...
adapted... tried to be happy being where she was

and NOW how dare the world come to her and say, have a mind of your own...
when her mother, herself let her drown, how dare she ask her to lift off the frown?
she is now... as she had to be .. to breathe and at least try to live!

to me today all she says, listen to your heart, keep all others at bay!
live your life, with stories to tell.... I'll hear them and for once
feel the freedom brush my face like a breeze...

and I am here her proud peace!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

my melancholy screech



how do we really define success?
is it the winning over something big?
is it all in the appreciations we get?
is it all about the life we lead?
or just be glad in our own skin?

has been no time bygone... that i haven''t suffered with this question alone?

something tells me... i know the way to an answer...
but that way to run on... also needs patience to be mastered...
is it all a solitary... screech?
is it just how boredom speaks?
coz... i know of no other reason...
why my heart could agree to such insane treasons...

kisses my breath moments crossing by...
my lips... this agony.... can't kiss him back..
this solitary... poetry...
oh ! how i wish i would have control...
but then again...

at times.. my heart knows... this melancholy is a part of this living...
that part that needs least believing..
coz this is all that has felt real lately..
here.. standing with all the answers.. yet... unclear!

i know not... when and how... god... has planned....
that hearty bow... with wings spread.. and eyes sparking... one day...
someday... this mystery... would need no solving!
coz that day.. somehow... somewhat... i would have known...

what exactly.. is this syndrome... and a way to live around it with some peace...
oh my! oh my! this gorgeous so gorgeous heart's disease...

Sunday, January 12, 2014

LIVING!

We all in the quest for a life… that is remembered…Forget to live it…. 
Not all… though.. there are these awesome few who live it… live in each moment of it.. 
Love each day.. Love all times… doing what they love… 
ordinary people work for a living! 
The few crazy ones that have the courage to not care about a living more than their love…. Love for work..
Are that crazy few who LIVE it…n unless u lived it... 
There is no point having history books with chapters in your name, or songs written after you… 
what finally matters is what u choose to do in this life… the life that ends! 
And after it ends… u don’t have to care about how and what u make people think or how people remember you... 
So... How does it affect you... How your dead self is treated... How does it matter”who will or will not cry when you die?”

It’s a life… and only one life… that u have... N u gotta live it like that… love it like that… be IN LOVE with it like that… 
or else… what’s the point? What does this give u? How does it come to you? It doesn’t matter… 
you enjoying every time u get on your job is what makes the difference, u getting high on our excitement for work is what matters..
your love for that work, your joy in that work that makes it feel like your life, that doesn’t let u differentiate between day and night is what matters… 
but then…. If a livelihood is all you are content at.. And all you need … then thts just fine.. But REALLY a waste.. Really sad…

Saturday, November 09, 2013

empty reverie

So many thoughts.. so many emotions!!
Its just too much!
It was may be better when It was not serious.. or may be its better now!
But how can this be any good…
This is cruel!
So much to do..
And all It can make u think of… is distractions!
This is too bad! Too over whelming..
All my confusions for life…
Could they only find now’s time to move on to me…
Do they not have patience..
Can they not be polite enough to wait.. Till November end…
IS this cage gonna keep me in forever! Or is it so.. that..
I’m caged n my own mind.. n the world hasn’t changed
So much that crosses my mind..
So much to read so much to write…
So much to make happen!!!
So much to live! So much to learn…
So much to gain so much to earn..
Then why is it that I feel dead already..
How will I make do with this dead heart.. With this lost soul..
I don’t see any souls to borrow.. I see no lives to share..
N in this empty reverie… all I do is sit and stare…
All I wish is no mans love, all I wish is no diamonds, all I wish is no wins or losses
But just t find my soul and give a life to my heart…
All I wish is that all I wish is that


Thursday, August 22, 2013

i don't need anybody!! do i?

I need somebody... to hold my hand
N tell me it’s all gonna be just fine…
I need somebody…to touch me… n melt me down…
I need somebody…to kiss me in the rain…
I need somebody…to pick me up when I fall
I need somebody…to toss  my sad face to happy…
I need somebody…to hug me n make me stop crying!
I need somebody…to hold me in their arms…
I need somebody…to make me feel special…
I need somebody to… smile at me …
N make my face light up!
I need somebody… to keep cracking jokes…
When they know I’m down..
I need somebody.. to stroke my hair…
Till I’m asleep…
I need somebody… to gaze at me ..
Like I’m their sun…
I need somebody… to cry when I’m gone!
I need somebody… to have a heart strong enough for me…
N give it to me..
I need somebody… who means it when
he says “you mean the world to me” …
I need somebody.. to whom I mean it all…
I need somebody.. who pumps & pampers me…
I need somebody…. Who hopelessly wanders in love with me…
I need somebody… who thinks I’m the most special of all…
I need somebody…. Who loves my quirks n craze..
I need somebody.. who knows me in and out…
N still can’t dream of life without..
I need somebody .. to do all that n respect me….

But oops!!! I’m an independent girl.. n can’t need anybody..for anything!
So… I shall forget that somebody.. n keep lying to myself throughout! 

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

lunatics!!! go live!!

go live!

said god to us when he sent us here! ... apparently!!

its a place where we are to live in moments.. for just a few moments...
n just wishing to be happy in the last moment we end up saddening and suffocating other

we are scared to live fully .. apphrending the disappointment tommorow offers
we are scared to love who we want to.. apphrending what our heart might say tommorow
we are scared to spend, to laugh , to play, to lean on ,. to do anything scarcely in connection to the future without thinking

we are so busy "valuing" this life that we lose its value altogether
we are so scared that we even end up breathing cautiously!

we forget the main thing god said to us before he sent us here " go LIVE!!"
we forget that "live" All the time...
if we love, we are afraid to say, if we say weare afraid to stay, if we stay we are afraid to lose...
if only! we could stop being so afraid, we could start living!!!!

learn from a baby... he doesn't care if u love him or not
if he lives tommorow or not he is so happy in himself that he doesn't even notice anything else!!

if there is a feeling!!  if there is an impuse !!! the best reaction is to forget EVERYTHING else !!! and act on it! :)
if there is a life that we value we must value it without making it a punishment!
it should be FREE!! and pick any sucessful man/woman,
they didn't succeed coz, their mom told them to get a grt CGPA or coz their dad said "this is what i want u to earn"

they did coz they did what they loved!!
earn how much u feel u need!!!
run after happiness, satisfaction, solace, craze, and a li'l insanity
coz if u didn't skip a beat everytime u thought of what u did all day, all life!! u didn't really live! :)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

:)

U Are what u think u are…
Love thy self! N the world would want to…
If u think… it’s all over! Life has NOTHING u ever wished…
Then trust god n his miracles….
If u think… life is nothing but a shitty fucking mundane place to be… so be it!
If u think that who ever runs this world.. Has been ur enemy n… is taking his revenge! So be it!
Fight with him! Hate him!
But NEVER! Never ever stop loving and believing in yourself!
Don’t stop being n trying to reach what u want!!!
Make your own path!!! N JUST FOR ONCE!!! STOP BLAMING ANYBODY, even YOU!!
Stop thinking why??? N start enjoying now!!! However tht now is…
Ppl hate u… u feel intimidated, afraid... like a nobody around some / many ppl u know…
Fuck them, chuck them or even better… put aside the intimidation n know them!
you’ll realize.. Those perfect ppl aren’t as perfect as you thought!!
Be confident and ambitious…. Don’t EVER! Think no.. yaar I’m not that good.. Or I can’t be that great!
NOTHING! Mind u NOTHING is impossible! N…
When things that matter lose weight! u are nothing better than dead meat!
Coz a dead passion is only for dead people..
Be a fighter!!!!
Till u live! FIGHT!!!
FEEL…. right wrong, good, bad, lucky, unlucky, happy unhappy, grumpy delighted, excited, cheap, cool, lost, found, irritated, loved, blessed, in love, out of it… lovable, kissable, idiotic, suffocated, stupid, embarrassed, blushing, on the 9th cloud, jealous, warm, hot, wasted, giggly, Anything and everything that happens!!!! FEEL!!! …
N WHATEVER U FEEL! Express!!! J
DO IT RELIGIOUSLY … N U WON’T EVEN KNOW WHEN U ARE TOO BUSY TO OVER THINK!!.. try it once.. after all we can always try! ;)

Saturday, May 18, 2013

a lost one...


Itne paas nahi the hum…. Koi khaas nahi thi tum…
Phir bhi hamesha eek muskaaan  dejaati thi tum…
Jab bhi milti thi tumse… muskaan ek khaas pehnaa jaati thi ...
Jaane kya jaadoo that tum mein… jo yoon..kuch naaa bol k bhi hasaa jaati thi tum…

Aaj bhi jab tumhare kamre k paas se guzartii hoon.. sochti hoon..
Ek baar jhaan k toh dekhoon… kahin mil jao tum wahin mujhe… phir se..
Kahin ye sab koi sapna ho..….
Koi khaas nahi thi tum, itne paas nahi thehum… phir bhi..

Hostel mein… kayeen baar aisa laga k tumko dekha ho maine….
Kabhi baarish hui toh kabhi thandi hawa…
Yaad kyu aayi tum mujhe.. jab..
Koi khaas nahi thi tum.. itne paas nahi thehum…

Tumhare doson k chere k soone pan mein…
Tumhe batch ki farwell picture mein…
Har uss chere pe… jise dii ho tumne kabhi koi musaan….
Tumhe dhoondti kyu paati hoon khudko main..

Jab itne paas nahi the hum.. koi khaas nahi thi tum?